Lamentations of Childhood Lost

November 2003:

Its been a busy day. I sit down to watch “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” on network TV. I’ve looked forward to watching this with my kids tonight, to share my childhood treasure with them. This is more than just watching a show. This is remembering childhood traditions of being allowed to stay up until 8:00pm to watch it, past my normal bedtime, and how unusual and special that felt. This is remembering the excitement of a cartoon being on at night, and how strange that was. And a WEEKNIGHT at that! This is remembering how timeless the Charlie Brown specials were. Since they were only on once a year, you looked forward to them. This is remembering the only time of year when you actually checked the TV guide looking to see when the specials would be on, and the excruciating wait when you found it, in anticipation of that special night. This was childhood the way it was meant to be. Saturday morning cartoons, but more so the holiday specials, were a special part of it.

The opening scenes appear on the TV. Things are different now. It’s a sad occasion. Looking at my children, I silently lament that this is not so special to them. The younger has fallen asleep on the couch before it even begins, knowing that this show is on videotape and available anytime. The older one enjoys the show but this is not the first time this year that she has seen it, having watched the videotape earlier in the year. She somewhat enjoys being able to watch a “kid show” (as she calls it) at bedtime, but it is not that special since cartoons are on 24/7. (I think to myself: a “kid show?” This is not just a “kid show.” This is a Charlie Brown Special, dog gone it!! This is a special part of my childhood! Don’t minimize it as just a “kid show.”) I mourn this special aspect of my childhood that will never be theirs.

The world is different today. I argue that its a lot worse. Now there are cartoons 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on the various cartoon channels (Toon Disney, Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, etc.) I curse these cartoon channels and videotapes that have cheated me out of passing down the best things about my own childhood. Things like…the anticipation of Saturday mornings……the frustration of missing a show knowing you’ll have to wait a whole week to see it again……the disappointment of having missed the holiday special, so you have to wait a WHOLE YEAR to see it again.........the one grain of doubt in your mind wondering if the coyote will finally catch the roadrunner……the Saturday morning indecision of which of the 3 network channels to watch as you lament that two of your favorite toons are on at the same time (and there were no VCRs then, so you actually had to make the hard decisions). None of this will be theirs. How sad.

I curse the fact that classic Hanna-Barbera and Warner Brothers cartoons are gone, replaced by Japanese anime crap and plenty of other inappropriate “cartoons” for kids. In my childhood, my parents never had to worry about inappropriate cartoons for me. I suppose the worst cartoon I could have watched was Tom & Jerry, due to the violence, but I didn’t like it much anyway. (Note: I really enjoyed Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner, a violent cartoon in itself, and I didn’t turn out to be a mass murderer.) Now, in the 21st century, I curse having to police the cartoons that my children watch. Yet, in a twisted sort of way, I lament not having to do it on Saturday mornings. Rather, I have to do it whenever they are allowed to watch TV.

Coming out of the daydream of these thoughts, I realize that the credits are rolling. Charlie Brown is over. In childhood I was happy to see the show but sad that it would be another whole year before being able to see the show again. A bittersweet time it was. In parenthood the sadness returns, but for very different reasons.

March Madness or March Stupidity?

It’s that time of year again. That time when people call out sick from work, fill out their bracket sheets, and get excited about one of the most stupid times in all of sports.

I blame the gambling types in Vegas and their excellent marketing for making March Madness the institution it is today. Its an attempt to make sports betting more mainstream in American society, and that ain’t good. We’ve all heard of how lives can be ruined by problem gambling, so why promote it so? Let’s promote alcoholism and drug addiction while we’re at it. Let’s make the world a better place by promoting this gateway to potentially years of financial heartache that we call “the bracket.” Yeah, that’s the ticket.

I challenge anyone to tell me why someone besides a degenerate gambler (innocent office pool or otherwise) would care about colleges named Austin Peay or Belmont? No one has ever heard of these places before, until they look at their bracket, but still the degenerates pick some unknown school to be their Cinderella story.

I don’t understand why college basketball, March Stupidity aside, is so darn interesting anyway. Proportionally, so very few of these college players will make it to the NBA that it is not even a sport worth watching. Its not like college football, where a higher percentage of players go pro. I’ll bet (pun intended) that the majority of the amateur bracketologists don’t even watch college basketball except in March, when money is on the line.

Maybe if more people would stop getting into this thing we call March Madness, all the TV shows that I want to watch will quit being pre-empted. Then again, no. There is nothing on CBS that I want to watch anyway. Maybe Letterman but that’s about it. So I change my mind. Lets do a little gambling, tap the keg, fill out our little sheets, and see how well the University of Unknown will last in the opening rounds. Fun fun fun